;'(

He's not supposed to see me crying.... And I'm not supposed to let him see me crying :'(

But we both did and it broke my heart.
I wish I could turn back the time... But I can't.
But I won't let it happen again.
he has to see me as...if not strongest woman on earth.
But at least strong enough to fight for him.

Existence

Sometimes I feel as if I don't exist
I want to be treated as important as everybody is
Am I that bad?
I don't think so

Flaws? I have lots of those
And I don't deny the fact that I always fall short
I'm just human you know?
But I know I can't always use that as a passport

But where the problem lies?
Until now I really don't know why
I feel like this, as if I don't exist

...Or may I really don't.... RIP †

down ☹

I'm feeling down again
But I know this is just temporary
And I want the soonest end
To feel that I'm just like an ordinary

This is one of those moments that I hate
Coz I'm forgetting how I'm blessed
Everyday I pray not to encounter this
Coz its really taking out all the bliss

Noone really knows about this
Only myself that is so selfish
I opted to keep this to myself
Thinking its not a big deal and soon it'll end

down ☹

I'm feeling down again
But I know this is just temporary
And I want the soonest end
To feel that I'm just like an ordinary

This is one of those moments that I hate
Coz I'm forgetting how I'm blessed
Everyday I pray not to encounter this
Coz its really taking out all the bliss

Noone really knows about this
Only myself that is so selfish
I opted to keep this to myself
Thinking its not a big deal and soon it'll end

penitensya

April 17, Palm Sunday, eto ang start ng Holy Week , at eto rin ang umpisa ng sarili kong " penitensya". I was at the office ng makaramdam akong ng pananakit sa abdomen ko na abot sa likod, at konting short of breathing. Hindi ko na kinakaya, kaya I rushed myself to the ER... and that was the beginning of the story.

ER

First day, Palm Sunday . Emergency room , MANILA EAST MEDICAL CENTER , was given pain relievers via IV.

April 18th, Antipolo Doctors Hospital , Antipolo City .

Monday around 2am , was admitted at Antipolo Doctors rm 217  under Dr.  Manalo ... and the rest was history....

this is not my actual ultrasound results ( nasearch ko lang to sa goole from  madisonradiologists.com )

Was given the usual  GERD medication, kase based sa symptoms and sa medical history ko and since hindi matanggal ang pain, I underwent several lab tests , sa  pancreas and liver , and all the tests were okay . So , inultrasound ako, and doon na nakita na meron akong Bile Duct Stones or Choledocholithiasis . Nung marinig ko sa attending physician ko na ieendorse nya ko sa surgeon , nanlumo ako at nablangko na isip ko . To make the story short, inoperahan ako , under Dr, Sandejas from The Medical City  through Endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography (ERCP) procedure on Wednesay . Nagresearch ako sa Youtube ng ERCP procedure and i found several videos  including this ERCP PROCEDURE , and good thing hindi ako nakapanood ng ganito before . The operation went well by God's grace. Supposed to be discharged on Friday, but i suddenly felt an extreme pain sa right abdomen ko, it was rated 10 from scale of 1-10 . Sabe ny doktor , maaring napwersa , kase kumilos ako ng kumilos , dahil masyado akong naging kampante, porke wala kong hiwa. Buti naman hindi na umulit and pain at nakalabas ako ng Sabado de Gloria at nasa bahay ako ng Linggo ng Pagkabuhay . 

penitensya

another song i like

 Adrienne Pierce Laundry and Dishes 

Another song by Adrienne Pierce.

Lyrics:
I lost my phone
Lost my coffee cup
Make things disappear
Then I make things up
I lost you, then I lost my way
And I make it difficult for you to say the things you want to say

I am right, right in the eye, of the storm, and I am wondering why

I've been watching, oh I I've been watching you
There are so many, so many secrets Ive been keeping too

Open the coffin, there's nothing inside
There are fake stars shining in the sky
And when I wake up I find I am still dreaming
In the bathtub, the salmon are teeming

Maybe I need to see something grow
See black soil, green shoots
Maybe I need to touch down
I need heavier boots

I have been watching, oh I I've been watching you
There are so many, so many secrets Ive been..

Father and Son

Another moments that im soo happy to capture.  Love seeing them like this, it gives me soo much joy. Alam kong  hindi ako maiintindihan ng iba coz there were just ordinary shots, but actually, it wasnt the picture , but yung  moments nila, yung just between the two of them . yung sila lang ang nagkakaintindihan. And i leave it like that.